Welcome to my life.

So... Let me introduce myself.

First things first, don't expect me to tell you my name- at least not for now. It's not that I think someone will actually read all my shit, but in case that happens, I want to be safe.  

Okay... I'm just a teenager who feels a little lost in this world. Actually, pretty much every single teenager feels lonely and disoriented, in one way or another. Lately, everything has been really messed up. Not that my life sucks or that I have this huge problem which doesn't let me sleep. There's not that much drama. It could be said that things are quite normal, but lately I've been feeling like something has changed.

I have three best friends. Two of them are quite silly girls that happen to be the only ones that are always there by my side, though they're not the support you'd imagine you'd receive from your best friends. I mean, I like them -otherwise I wouldn't hang out with them- but it's like they don't see thingsthe way I do. Despite I usually have a hard time everytime I try to talk about what's going on in my mind, sometimes I would like to be able to have deeper conversations with them. Let's be real- hearing one of them (let's call her Kate) whine about how out of her league her admirers are is not very trascedental, though that's what we do all day long. The other girl (here known as Rose) is just a very shy one who's always hiding what she thinks. I guess she must have something interesting to say, or maybe she's as empty inside as she looks.  But if the first case is the case, I don't think she's ever going to tell.

On the other hand, we have what I could regard as my real best friend. I'll call him Will because of a John Green charachter that reminds me a lot of him. He's the typical gay-best friend, except he isn't gay. He likes acting, Lady Gaga and Eurovision. He's also the class' president and loves being in the spotlight, even though he's had some trouble with our classmates. With him, I feel a little bit more relieved. I can tell him whatever I need to tell and, although truth hurts, he is able to put things back into perspective when necessary. 

Last but not least, I'd also like to introduce you to John, because John is the closest translation of his real name I've been able to find. He is my crush. Sometimes I feel I mix up friendship with something more, but I came to the conclusion I want to be more than a friend to him. But it is complicated. And yes, I've just written another cliché. But it is really complicated. While some days he seems to reject my company, some others he seems to give me signals that I like him. First he looks into my eyes and we both grin, then he doesn't reply my messages.We've sat together for almost 3 years in class, and throughout this time I've been albe to get to know him. And for almost as long I've fancied him. Lame, isn't it?

And what about me? Well, I am a writer, reader, singer and painter amateur. I don't have a fucking clue of what I want to do with my life, neither who I want to be. Right now, the idea of being a doctor has really caught my eye, but I'm not so sure I can do it. I get really stressed when I think of my future- it seems like everyone wants us to start making decisions I'm definately not ready to make. Why can't they see that? 

Well, I guess that's all for today. I'll keep on writing tomorrw.

-Anonymous.